I recently sat down to commence a Board shuttle telephone mediation. There were 11 participants and two representatives, each with their own perspectives, agendas, and red lines in the sand. And whilst I knew it was going to be difficult, I didn't anticipate getting to 3pm one afternoon only to realise that I had been sitting for seven hours. I hadn't consumed any water. I certainly hadn't eaten any food. And I hardly paused for thought.
In the foundation accredited mediation course, I frequently support students who are co-mediating for the first time. Without fail, the recurring feedback is that co-mediators need to build extra time into the mediation process to enable them to communicate effectively.
Building time and space into a process to give yourself time to breathe between sessions, to ask questions between each other so that you can best help the participants move things forwards.
Now, of course every rule has its own exception. And in this regard, when it comes to taking breaks, I know I’m not alone. In fact, in this board mediation, I found myself doing various things that I wouldn’t teach students to do. Part of this was trying to juggle 13 peoples’ availability over a four day period whilst working out what to do next when I reached what felt like a dead end. However, I am now more convinced than ever that to take breaks is a rule that has no exception. Your responsibility as a mediator is to ensure that you are properly fuelled so that your brain can rise to meet the task at hand.
Supporting yourself as you bear the emotional toll of those you’re serving is what it means to put on your own oxygen mask first. What a privilege it is to be able to build a process that not only works for all the participants involved, but also enables you to be at your best.
The participants can wait! Take time for yourself – to breathe, to re-centre, to go for a walk. And make sure you have plenty of water to hand. Mediation is thirsty work!
